History Repeating Itself

[notthatcrazy]

It's been a few weeks since their respite in Mumbai, and Face's leg has healed up just fine. He's up to his old tricks tonight, conning information from the campaign manager for the corrupt politician they're investigating. Murdock's got the responsibility of meeting him at the rendezvous point.

"You look like that went well," he observes dryly as Face slides into the passenger seat.

Comments

[notjustaface]

"You can..." he whines, "...you can. We're halfway there already."

He laughs slightly, shaking his head; "Well, I'm halfway there... I'm sure we can get you there fast enough."

[notthatcrazy]

"I want to, but I can't."

He takes a shaky breath, finally pulling away to look him in the eye.

"Sometimes it gets to me."

He doesn't specify exactly what he means by 'it.'

[notjustaface]

"What?" His eyebrows knit together, confused. "You can't have sex because... it's bothering you?"

He shifts down, rolling onto his side to trace his hand over Murdock's chest.

"You can be on top, that's fine... however you want to work it out?"

[notthatcrazy]

"It's not that. It's more of an emotional overload."

There's only so many ways to say 'my crazy is acting up again' without actually saying it.

[notjustaface]

He can't help but push just a little further, little brain winning over the big brain.

"It's okay..." he murmurs, gently rubbing Murdock's chest; "we can do this. You're safe, remember? Good hands..." He holds up his hand as though showing the minimal light reflected off his rings might make a difference.

[notthatcrazy]

It seems to make him more skittish, if anything.

"Just.. give me a minute?"

[notjustaface]

Relaxing against him as best he can, Face lets out a somewhat frustrated sigh and drops his hand to rub Murdock's chest again.

"Sure... yeah... whatever you need." He brushes a small kiss to his partner's shoulder, for the first time realizing there's something a little more than being oversensitive going on.

"You okay, man?"

[notthatcrazy]

"I don't know."

It's hard to explain how his mind works at the best of times, let alone during an unexpected mid-sex freakout.

[notjustaface]

The frustration is replaced with honest concern, he really doesn't know how to react but he gets the impression thinking with his dick isn't going to cut it.

"Murdock..." he says softly, sliding his fingers from his partner's chest to take his hand. "Talk to me, what's going on?"

[notthatcrazy]

"Just got a little panicky."

He rests his head on his partner's shoulder.

"You were talking too much."

It's the closest he can get to expressing what's going on, when he's not entirely sure himself.

[notjustaface]

Wrapping his arm across Murdock's chest - he presses another small kiss against his shoulder.

"Hey... sorry... I kinda didn't realize." Maybe he had too much scotch... maybe he just let himself get a little too worked up for his own good.

[notthatcrazy]

A little.

"I know... it's okay."

He leans against him, letting the weight of his embrace continue to calm him.

"As long as you're here, it'll be okay."

[notjustaface]

"I'm not going anywhere..." he nuzzles against Murdock's jaw - pressing another small kiss.

"You're mine, right?"

[notthatcrazy]

He nods, breathing deeply.

"And you're mine?"

It sounds more questioning than he means it to.

[notjustaface]

"Was there ever any question?" He raises a wry eyebrow, squeezing his hand tight.

"Come on, I love you. You know that. No matter how many hot guys rub up on me and try to get me out in the alley I'm yours."

[notthatcrazy]

"I know..."

He looks up at him.

"Could you maybe stop mentioning that, though?"

[notjustaface]

"What? It's kind of a big deal, man... that's a hell of a test."

He squeezes tighter against him, letting out a shallow sigh. "All right man, if it makes you feel better I'll shut up."

[notthatcrazy]

He manages a small smile.

"You've come a long way."

[notjustaface]

"Damn right I have..." he smiles a little wider, nosing against him.

"Five years ago... man..."

The arm wrapped around him squeezes tight; "But now I've got a hell of a lot better to come back for."

[notthatcrazy]

He sighs.

"I like the coming back part. It just bothers me a little when you talk about it."

[notjustaface]

"What am I supposed to tell you?" He asks quietly, unsure of exactly what he's supposed to say at all.

"Maybe I just shouldn't say anything at all."

[notthatcrazy]

He sighs again. "I get why you're proud... you did your job, you made the right choice... I guess the possibility still scares me."

He kisses his collarbone, near where he's resting his head.

"I'm sorry."

[notjustaface]

And what Murdock's thinking scares him just as bad.

"You still think I'd do it, I get it..." he mutters, rolling onto his back and closing his eyes - forcing himself to try and calm down.

[notthatcrazy]

He whimpers softly as he pulls away.

"It's not just that."

He curls up beside him, his posture very much drawn in on himself.

"It reminds me you could have anyone you want, and you chose me... sometimes I forget why."

[notjustaface]

Not just. Of course, not just.

He sighs and closes his eyes, clasping his hands over his stomach.

"Do you want to know why? Do you really want to know?"