Playing House: Settling In

[notthatcrazy]

After the first few days of freedom, life settles down into some kind of rhythm. They've been in touch with the team (mostly variations on 'We're okay, hope you are too.') and Face has been out looking for ways to supplement their cash supply, which has left Murdock at something of a loose end.

He hasn't been sleeping well the past couple of nights, and tonight looks to be no different. It's not long after he drifts off that the nightmares start. They come in a confusing mish-mash of jumbled images, but the overarching theme is always the same.

Boss, it's Face... he's hurt bad...

Don't leave me, baby... I need you...

He wakes with a start, his arm thrown across his partner's chest, and grabs hold of him tightly, taking deep, frantic breaths.

Comments

[notjustaface]

He's been somewhat aware of the nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night to Murdock whimpering and sweaty and shaking - but he's written it off as jitters, maybe a response to being away from the team or Face getting a job.

This is different and he can feel it in his gut. Half asleep still, he wraps his arms tight around his partner and murmurs, "I'm here babe, 'sokay..."

[notthatcrazy]

He's not even sure what's causing it himself. Their relative new-found freedom, the lack of other activities to occupy himself with, the minor worry about Face's job-hunting...

Hell, maybe it's the fact that things have been so good that makes him so scared of losing it.

"Just a dream..." He clings to him a bit tighter, still in the unsettling mid-state between the dream's end and waking reality.

[notjustaface]

Brushing a sleepy kiss to what he thinks is Murdock's cheek, Face nuzzles against him.

"You're all right... 'sokay..." He snorts loudly, forcing his eyes open all the way just to be sure.

"Tell me 'bout it."

[notthatcrazy]

"Can't remember much of it," he admits. "Just that you were hurt."

He's still pressed against him like he can't get close enough.

[notjustaface]

Waking slowly, his own dreaming a quickly distant memory, Face presses another reassuring kiss to his temple.

"Just a dream..." He murmurs, drawing Murdock's hand over the old scar on his shoulder - Baghdad, the first time through. "I'm not going anywhere no matter how many times I get shot."

[notthatcrazy]

He's not much for rational thought right now. In as much as 'I get shot at but I'm not going to die' can be considered rational.

"Why's this have to happen when things are goin' good?"

[notjustaface]

"Dunno, man..." He sighs, nuzzling against him. "Always gotta be something."

With another fond squeeze, Face rests his chin against Murdock's head.

[notthatcrazy]

It's not fair, not to either of them.

"Sorry to wake you."

[notjustaface]

"Hey... No big deal." He offers a bleary smile in the tiny glow of a Kermit nightlight.

"We can sleep in."

[notthatcrazy]

"Yeah..."

He sighs again, resting his head on Face's chest.

"Can I talk to you about somethin'?"

[notjustaface]

Stroking his sleep-snarled curls is second nature and Face combs them out with his fingers as they relax.

"You bet, anything you want."

[notthatcrazy]

It's a simple little gesture that's somehow extremely comforting.

"I'm kinda worried."

He taps his own temple. "'Bout what's goin' on in here."

[notjustaface]

The subtle gesture is lost on him for a second before he realizes Murdock isn't talking about a general "here".

"What's going on?" He asks quietly, stroking down to his neck; "Different than normal?"

[notthatcrazy]

"It just feels... weird."

He's been drawing again. Not the angry red slashes of last time, thankfully it hasn't gotten that bad, but pages and pages of brightly colored swirls and spirals. It's not a bad thing, definitely not as bad as fighting off the impulse to self-harm, but it's a sign that something's not quite right with his mental landscape.

"I don't think anything's gonna happen, but I'm afraid it might."

[notjustaface]

Nodding against the top of his partner's hear, Face presses a gentle kiss in his sweaty hair.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

He means it, that sort of admission scares him a little because he doesn't know what - if anything - he can do to fix things.

[notthatcrazy]

He doesn't know what to do either. That's the most frustrating thing about it.

"Maybe just keep an eye on me?"

He gives him a halfhearted smile.

"I know you do that anyway..."

[notjustaface]

"Always," he replies simply leaning at an awkward angle to kiss him.

"You sure you're okay with me taking this job? It'll keep me away a few nights a week until late."

[notthatcrazy]

"We need the money."

That's definitely the case. It wasn't easy to find a job that was willing to pay under the table, and it seems to suit him well enough.

"Besides, you'd go stir-crazy with nothin' to do besides watchin' my back."

[notjustaface]

"If it's not gonna work out for you, I'll find another way." There's always another way, it may not pay as well or be as legal but he'd work something out before it was a problem.

"You're more important."

[notthatcrazy]

"It's okay."

He leans back, the soft glow of the nightlight casting long shadows over them both.

"If things get bad, you might not wanna be around."

He's had manic episodes that turned violent in the past. They're rare for him, but it could happen.

[notjustaface]

"You kidding?" Both eyebrows arch together, "If something happens the only place I wanna be is with you."

He means it when he says he wants to protect Murdock, even from himself.

[notthatcrazy]

He sits up, wrapping his arms around his knees.

"I don't want to hurt anyone."

[notjustaface]

Murdock pulling away is about the last thing he expects, but he plays it cool - letting him have his space.

"Me neither, and I don't want you to get hurt. If that means taking a couple punches that's fine."

[notthatcrazy]

"It's not fair that you have to deal with that."

This should be a happy, relaxed time in their lives. This isn't fair to either of them.

[notjustaface]

"And it's fair that you have to deal with my baggage?" He forces himself to sit up, sheets pooling around his waist, and reaches to settle his hand at the center of Murdock's back.

"Life's not fair."